Re-surfaced

First off want to apologize for not posting; for those who have tried to follow me; will know that I work full-time and attended classes full-time.. Anyway in a previous post I mentioned my concern about my employer laying people off and then it did not happen....Well it looks like the organization I work for has kind of taken things for the worse... They are such to be purchased by a different organization but are meeting resistance from people in the city and city council who oppose the transition. According to the company newsletter, if the sale does not go through, the organization will be forced to close.. There is no definitive answer yet but I am a bit concerned...

Sure I will be able to collect up to about two years but my concern is not getting hired..About a month ago I went for an interview with an import/export company and just when I thought that I would be called in for a second interview, they put a hiring freeze on the position.... At the same time I received more bad news. I did not score high enough on a test for a government position.

I am going to do my best and keep marching on as best as I can. Maybe a new door will open up for me once I finish in May 2012 with my bachelors degree.

Too long

It has been a long time sine my last post and a lot of things have been going on as well as happened in my life. Long story short, I was sick, had a death in the family and still trying to juggle work, school and this lifestyle.

I'm going to try and put some effort into looking for a new job where I work in the daytime. I might get desperate and take anything at this point. Yes, I should stick with this and be selective after completing my BA but I do not think that I can handle it much longer.

Only time will tell.

Over-reacted

Well it looks like this silly sissy over-reacted about the mandatory meeting. It seems that the meeting is just going to be about the new company.
Why did I over-react? Because a similar situation occurred at the last organization I worked with. Yes I know, I know that does not mean that it is going to happen again.

I am a the curious type and when something does not make sense to me, I need to know why... Is that wrong? Is it wrong for be to have the type of personality that needs to question things that do not make sense to me at least?

It seems that it is wrong with my manager. Clearly it seems that just because I make few more mistakes than everyone else, he has this notion that I am completely incompetent.

Lately I have been getting more and more frustrated and agitated with my job. Working the graveyard shift is take more of a toll on me....
Even though the job market is shitty due to the shitty economy which is due to the budget deficit and performance deficit in D.C. I am still going to make an effort to look for the type of work where I will have the weekends off and work Monday to Friday 9 to 5.

Crossroads and uncertainity

First off I want to say Yes I am very aware of the current economic situation that our country is facing and I am going to refrain from voicing my opinion as to why and how we have put ourselves in this situation.

It looks like things in my vanilla life, work related, might have a direct effect on my lifestyle as Angelica. The organization I work for has been bought out by another organization based out in California.At the moment my department is the only department that is required to attend this mandatory meeting with the VP of Finance. Now some of my co-workers are saying that I should not have to worry and maybe they are right but, it seems odd that only one department is being required to attend this mandatory meeting. So in short I fear that I will be laid-off from my job.

I've decided to start looking for work not as aggressive as I should be. I am trying to decided if I am laid-off if I should collect unemployment for about a year and finish my bachelors degree in May 2012. Or if I should seek going back to my old job, which is hiring, and work as a produce clerk again.

The flaw with this is that yes I will be employed but I will only have one day off a week and thus not be able to go out as Angelica and worse not be able to spend time with dear friend that I care about whenever we are able to get together.

The best case scenario, if you want to call it that, is that I keep my job but at a lower rate of pay or worse case is I get laid-off.

Being made to wait three weeks is torture, yes I should be patient but I guess it is human nature for us as humans to want to acquire information as soon as possible rather than having to wait.

I'll keep everyone posted as to what is going on with my work situation.

New Captions

Ashley Robins Caption

Photo Shoot

OK here are a few different photos of me when I had a makeover by a professional makeup artist

The Art of Juggling

One of the hardest things about being a crossdresser is living a double life. At times I feel like i'm some kind of secret agent. In the daytime i'm a guy who works at night, a topic for another time, go to classes in the daytime and when i am off from work ; transform into Angie when i have the opportunity to do so.
It takes a toll both physically and mentally. Some are able to handle it better than others; sadly i am not one of them.  Despite this struggle i will not give up this lifestyle.  I feel accepted and enjoy the people that i have meet.

And so i have to struggle juggling both lives and do my best to find balance.

One foot out the door

About four months ago I decided to take a leap of faith and come out about how being active in this lifestyle with one of four close friends.  It was very nerve wrenching and I waited for the right conversion to mention this. When I finally did, his response put me at ease. But he did warn me about mentioning this to the other three friends; especially my childhood friend.

The other day when we had an afternoon get together, he mentioned that he felt honored that I came out to him.

But I could never fully come out. Yeah I am 38 years old and live alone; but my family and extended family would likely further distance themselves from me. Even the possibility of loosing ties with the other three friends. 
Or worse be lectured by them about why, who and how wrong my lifestyle is.

How I started to be a crossdresser

It was about ten years ago that I had my first experience dressing up as a girl. As I am writing this, part of me thinks that I had these urges at an early age but was forced to supress since parents were from the old country and a bit old fashion. But also as I mentioned, it was hard for me to fit in and be accepted. Having this exposed would have made things even harder on me with my so-called classmates.

One day I decided to look for a place where I can have a makeover to look like a girl that was in my area but not too close home where people who know me will rat me out. I found a place out in Staten Island. My first makeover was a maid. Since then I have gone there whenever I wanted to have a makeover with a different look.

Some of the types of makeovers I had ranged from maid to goth and bride to goth bride.

So sfter my first makeover I started to seek out other CDs to make friends with and associate with; which I have and very happy to have meet them. The only problem I have that is preventing me from being more active in this lifestyle is my job and returning back to college.

I will post some of the different make-overs I had done. 

Two captions

Coming soon

Sorry for not posting an blog entries been busy and tired lately.
I will post about three different entries on Monday including some caption photos.

Home Depot To American Family Association: Take A Hike! We Support Gay Rights! (VIDEO)

Room for Improvement?

I am very open to ideas and suggestions as to how to improve my blog in all areas.
Please feel free to share your thoughts and ideas

First Attempt at creating a caption

Transformation of a Different Kind

A story I wrote and originally posted on Clubsissy.

The harsh winter weather delayed my flight for two days during a business trip, so I checked into a local hotel and after settling in, tried to get some rest but my mind was very frustrated. Not only from my flight being delayed but my business presentation did not go as well as I planned. So I changed into some casual clothing and headed to the reception desk to inquire of any local bars or night clubs. The receptionist told me of a nightclub called Bitey and it was three blocks away down a small dead-end street. I decided to walk there since it was only three blocks away; the winter weather did not see to let up one bit. As I was making my way to this night club, I chuckled at the name Bitey and thought maybe I should talk with the owner about changing the name to something more catchy or appealing.

When I reached the end of the dead-end street I saw an old building with one door and a neon sign above it flashing the words Bitey. I looked around and was weary about going in; it didn’t appear like most nightclubs that I have gone to in the past but then again, since I was visiting decided to go in anyway. As I made my way down a small hallway, there was an attractive blonde female working the counter. “Hi welcome to Bitey, would you like to check your coat?” “Ah! Hi, how much is the cover charge?” “Fifty dollars and you get one drink on the house.” I did a double take.

For I’ve never paid that much for a cover charge to get into any kind of club. Curious, I had to ask her why so much. To my dismay, she told me that the entire building is owned by the club all seven floors and that a majority of the money is used to maintain the building. So I gave her my coat and paid the cover charge. “Tell me something, you said that there are seven floors, are all of them the same?” She gave me a strange look for a few minutes. “You must be from out of town; each set of floors has its own theme. Like metal go to the seventh floor; classical third; get the idea?” “Yes, thank you. Look could you recommend a floor for me to just unwind and relax?”
She looked me over a few times then suggested that I go to the soft rock fifth floor and gave me my voucher for a free drink. I made my way to an elevator and pressed five. As the elevator made its way up I tried to get into the club mood, the doors opened and I was fairly impressed with the large layout. I slowly made my way to an empty chair in the corner sat down and started to take in the atmosphere, when a waitress came up to me and asked what I would like to drink. As I handed her the voucher I told her that I’d like to have a Manhattan. The place was not overly packed nor was it empty; it felt like it had the right balance of people and the music was loud enough to be heard by everyone but not to the point where it was drowning out a conversation.

A few minutes later the waitress returned with my drink. I thanked her and gave her a five dollar tip; she smiled and thanked me for being so generous. Looking around I noticed how there were many couples in the places but it didn’t bother me, I merely wanted to get out and enjoy myself hoping that the storm blows over early so I could fly out back home. About an hour later, feeling relaxed and enjoying myself, I noticed a gorgeous woman walk into the place.

she glanced around the area I noticed that she was dressed in a long black cocktail outfit with slits on the sides showing her light black stocking wrapped around her long legs as she wore black platform heels. The back was cut at the waist revealing her lovely back; her bright long red hair flowed just past her shoulders. All the guys that stood close to her started hitting on her yet she just ignored them and sat at the bar. I chuckled at the mere thought of wanting to walk up to her and trying to strike a conversation with her. I continued to look around the place and drinking my drink and struck up a conversation with another guy next to me about how funny it was seeing those guys get struck down by the red-head who walked in.

We continued chatting about the place and the crazy weather when I hear a soft seductive voice ask me if the seat next to me was taken. When I looked up, it was her; I almost spilled my drink the moment I saw her. “Ah! Are you asking me or him?” She seductively looked at me with her bright blues and said that she was talking to me. “Sure you can sit here. I’m Dan.”As she sat next to me the guy next to me got up and as he walked away gave me thumbs up.

“Well, hello Dan, I’m Jane. Mind if I….have a sip of your drink?” As she took the drink from my hand and started to take a sip; my mind started to race faster than a race car. When she was finished with the drink she placed it on a near by table and started to ask me if I come here often. When I told her that my flight was canceled due to the weather, she seemed more interested in continuing to have a conversation with me. As we conversed on various topics, she struck me as being very knowledgeable about past events; so I continued to converse with her. After what felt like an hour she stood up, took my hand and led me to the men’s room. As we entered people didn’t seem to be fazed by what they saw. We entered into an empty stall and closed the door and started making out. Each time I tried to feel her legs Jane would move my hands back up to her waist; so rather than ruin this wonderful moment, I kept them there and just felt around her waist.

Jane then started to unbuckle my belt and dropped both my pants and underwear and after having me sit on the toilet seat, started to give me oral pleasure. The way she sucked on my cock was better than any women before her had given me oral pleasure; it felt like a porn star was sucking on my cock. She would deep throat me with ease, no gag reflex, nothing. After about ten minutes of feeling her warm lips wrapped around my cock, I started to cum causing her to suck even harder; I moaned out loud not caring if people heard me.

When I finished cumming and opened my eyes; I noticed that Jane was no longer in the stall. After pulling up my pants and underwear and making sure that I looked decent, I left the bathroom looking for Jane. When I could not find her on this floor, I made my way to the other floors looking for her and still could not find her; so I made my way downstairs to the entrance. I described Jane to the girl at the counter and asked her if Jane had left; but the girl behind the counter gave me a strange look. I explained to her how Jane was dressed and again the girl at the counter looked at me strange. “I’m sorry sir but no female dressed as you described came in here, let alone leaving.

sappointed I took my coat, tipped the girl, left and made my way back to the hotel. Making my way back to the hotel, I shook my head in disbelief that Jane would just leave me like that; thinking that she would have wanted to come to the hotel afterwards for some sex. After making my way into the lobby and up to the fifth floor where my room was; and decided to take a shower. After taking a long hot shower and brushing my teeth, I wrapped a towel around my waist and as I made my way to the bedroom; I almost jumped out of my skin while rubbing my eyes. There standing next to my bed was Jane; dressed in knee high black stockings, while wearing a pair of mule shoes. She had on a black silk camisole with a black lacey see through robe. Before I could say anything, she was already standing in front of me; her blue eyes held me in a trance.

She started to gentle trace my lips before giving me a soft kiss. “I’m sorry to have left you like that. Did you like how I sucked your cock?” I wanted to respond but could only nod my head; I started to feel very strange as if I was paralyzed. Jane continued to rub my chest with her hands while staring at me with her eyes. Moments later she leaned over, nibbled on my ear and then whispered something I could not believe. “Dan, are you ready to return me the same favor I gave you?” She took one step back, and dropped her silk camisole to the ground. I starred at her hour glass shape body, starting with her large perky breasts and as I moved my eyes down; there between her legs hung a twelve inch cock. With only two strokes of her right hand it was fully erect, she stepped closer to me still and whispered into my ear only one word. “Suck”

I knelt in front of her, opened my mouth and started to suck on her cock as she held my head. She started to pump my mouth slowly before starting to pick up the pace; I gagged a few times as she tried to go deeper into my mouth. I thought I heard her say something like you’ll learn. Jane continued to fuck my mouth; her groans got louder and louder until she exploded in my mouth. She held my head and with a demonic voice yelled “Suck it all bitch, yeah… you’ll be my sissy bitch soon.” Her cum gushed down my throat like a water fountain. Trying to swallow it, I gagged a few times even spilling some on the floor. Jane refused to let go of my head until she finished filling my stomach with her cum. Moments later she finally let me go; I stood up trying to keep my balance from feeling light-headed when Jane grabbed my head with her two hands.

As I realized that Jane had a set of fangs; she bit me in my neck; a feeling of sensation overwhelmed me as Jane bit me deeper with her fangs. Minutes later she released me; I stared at her face as she smiled at me with my blood dripping from her fangs. My whole body started to feel strange funny, my body hair started to fall off while my skin started to feel smooth and soft. The hair on my head grew longer; my breasts grew larger and my cock shrank to a mere one inch. I stood there frozen as Jane slowly walked around me; checking my body as it transformed into a female. She then stood in front of me and held me in her arms while caressing my now feminine body; I felt my soul leaving my body as Jane stared at me with her hypnotic blue eyes. She leaned over and whispered into my ear, “Are you willing to surrender your body and mind to me and be my sissy slave; to use and abuse as I see fit?”

I looked at her for a few seconds and then knelt in front of her kissing her feet; I replied, “Mistress Jane I surrender my mind and body to you and want to become your sissy slave to use and abuse as you see fit.” And with those final words I belong to Mistress Jane…a shemale vampire as her personal sissy slave vampire

Confused

I am a bit confused on something. Whenever I am dressed up as a gurl, I am attracted to other gurls, and male admirers. When I am not dressed up as a gurl, I still have an attraction to other gurls but not to male admirers.

Are male admirers really gay? Are we gay? Or could we say that both groups are really bi-sexual?

What do you think?

Broken Heart...Pre-Sissy Conclusion

There has been other disappointments in trying to find a relationship with a GG, but not on the scale as the previous two.
Fir example, prior to going on a blind date with a girl I meet through the personal ads, we chatted on the phone for about two weeks and during that time I felt a connection was being made between the two of us since we would chat for hours while making each other laugh and discovering that we share some things in common.

So when we agreed to meet in  person and go on a date, things were different. She was very shy and hardly spoke throughout the date.
I would bring up some of the things that we shared and nothing. Towards the middle of the date, she said that she was not feeling well. So I dropped her off at her place and wished her well.

I called the next day and left a message on her answering machine. After thee days of not hearing from her,  I called again and again left a message on her machine. I waited four days this time for her to call me back and nothing. I called her a third time and she answered. She said that she had been very busy the whole week and did not have time to call me back. She said she will call me back later in the evening. And so I waited and waited and nothing.

I did not bother calling her again, I got the hint that she was not interested in me. Yet I was confused, as to what went wrong between meeting in person and chatting on the phone. The only conclusion was that I was not what they were physically looking for.

At times when I reflect on those events I get a bit ticked off but I do not have nor will I have sympathy for them or any GG who complains of being in a bad relationship; frankly they deserve it.

At the present moment I no longer have an interest or the desire to be in a relationship with any GG.

Broken Heart..Pre-Sissy Part One

In 6th 7th and 8th grade,  I never felt that I fit with any of the classmates. Like most people who went to grammar school I was unpopular.
For example, doing valentines day I received the least amount of valentines day cards. While everyone else had received the same amount of valentines day cards.

This would be one of many situations where my heart was broken many times. Rather than go into details on every single one; I will focuse on two events with possibly some references to other ones and my brief eight month relationship.

1988 Freshman year in catholic high school.

I went to my first high school dance and after trying to mingle with some of my male classmates I walked up to this girl and ask her if she would like to slow dance. She quickly look me over and then started to laugh. She replied "It would be a huge embarrassment if I am seen dancing with you." Those words cut my heart into pieces. With watery eyes I start to leave. When I got home I locked the door to my bedroom turned on the radio and started to cry.

1992 Senior Year.
Ah! The Senior Prom. Perhaps the most overrated event in high school.
My instincts told me to not attend this event but a classmate who became a close friend, helped me find a date and no he was not setting me up for failure.
My prom date starting to complain on every little thing such as the weather. I tried to make the best of it even tried to cheer her up but in the end my heart was shattered even more.

During a slow dance to the song One by U2, I lean forward to try and kiss her she turned her head and started to laugh in my face and said "with a mug like that, not on your life."
We dropped her off at her house and foolish me gave her the souvenir champagne glass hoping to turn things around. Alas no. She purposely drop a champagne glass and proceeded to laugh even louder than before as she walked away.

I cried in my room for two days and it took me over 10 years to finally put that event behind me. I even burnt all the prom pictures in an attempt to cleanse those bad memories.

Suggestions

I am interested in getting some feedback from people. Any comments and suggestions about how to improve my blog is greatly appreciated

First blog comment

I've been dressing on and off for the past ten years and have started to embrace dressing as a girl. When I started off I would go to a place that specializes in transforming men into women; I still go from time to time. Each time I have gone, I would request to wear different clothing. My most favorite makeover so far has been a bride. I have had others makeovers from maid to sissy girl. I've started to do my own makeup and certainly would need to practice.

Most recently my desire to dress has increased but the issue I have is not having anyone to dress up for or with but also being passable. I kind of have walking in heels on pavement down but need to work on acting like a female. The other issue or concern I have is ignorant people who feel the need to verbally abuse me or even worse assault me. I am not positive about how New Jersey law is with regards to protecting girls like us.. But then it is being outed that also scares me. It is really a shame that in today's day and age people still have to harass or mistreat people merely for being different.

I just do not understand why